By Jonathan David Faulkner

(Satire)

I woke up this morning and I really, really, really wanted to form a new Facebook group. I mean, it has been a very long time since 10:31 Life Ministries and I have not started or joined any Facebook groups in a long time and I kind of miss it. I mean, I really miss it, not as much as I miss my girlfriend (cause you know, distance) but I miss it a lot. The power, the idea that people are listening to what I have to say, that’s like a drug right? I need that.

But what should I start a group about, any ideas? I know that I should probably do something against something because that’s how you get people to listen to you right? I could just take on the persona of some angry person who thinks that something is destroying the universe and then rant and rave about it. People would join for sure, if I did a page like that, people would flock to my page, I’d become a star, instantly. That’s how it works right?

But what should I be against? I thought about doing Pokemon Go, but someone beat me to it which I am not happy about because those little digital pixels that are getting kids out of the house and getting them to hang out with friends, make friends and meet new people is definitely going to lead them to the lake of fire. Cause God is ultimately concerned with what level your Pikachu is. By the way, if you find one, could you send me the location?

Maybe I could be against Heavy Metal, yeah, I’ll do that one…nobodies beat me to it have they? I wonder if my band mates would mind if we suddenly became a polka band, cause that’s not evil right? Got rid of any hints of rock and roll that we have, I mean, we’re not a metal band, but why stop at metal right, all rock must be evil…rocks must be evil, same thing right?

I know, I’ll be against Lord Of The Rings, yeah, LOTR must be evil. I mean, I can rewrite history can’t I? The mainstream media does it all the time and I want to be relevant, right? So, I’ll just tell people that Tolkien was not a Christian in anyway and that The Lord of the Rings in no ways reflects Tolkien’s Christian Worldview. This might mean though that I have to reject Lewis too, because they were friends and Narnia must be a great sin to read or watch as well. What with a Lion that represents Jesus and all?

I know, I’ll name my group “Christians against everything.” That will assure me the greatest number of readers right? I can just be against everything right? I can just rant and rave about everything, just tear down everyone who likes anything and become a curmudgeon young person angry at everything and everyone. I’ll get my cell phone and start recording videos of myself shouting against Disney or Yoga Pants. Those things are evil and they must be spoken out against, that’s what Jesus would do right?

He’d stand in the door of shopping center in a big city and yell at people for going in and buying Christmas presents. Just like when he turned over tables in the temple right? I’m sure that’s how that passage should be interpreted, everyone does it, don’t they?

(Seriously though!)

But then I would not be like Jesus, people would look at me and see a curmudgeon young man who’s angry at everything and everything. They would not see the true Gospel if the fruit of what I said was contrary to the Gospel. If what I say and do fails to represent Christ and His words in a way that is laid out in scripture for the Christian. My outward walk is reflective of my inward walk and if my inward walk is in line with Christ I will bear good fruit in my inward and outward walk.

So let us seek to bear the fruit of the spirit and the not the fruit of anger.

Jonathan David Faulkner is a student at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary, a Pastor, Musician and Writer. He holds a Bachelor’s Degree in Christian Education & Administration with a concentration in Urban Ministry